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As everyone with access to various social media outlets and other human beings knew approximately 18.7 seconds after it happened: Taylor Swift had broken up with her super serious boyfriend who she was so totally in love with and planning on to spending the rest of her life with…yet again. I knew the moment Tay-Tay released her hit single ‘Love Story’ that I hated her and would never, ever, ever, be getting over it. As an individual with an almost almighty appreciation and respect for the Shakespeare canon I was morally obligated to despise Taylor following her horrible and blasphemous misinterpretation of scripture.
Anyone familiar with the story of the star-crossed lovers Rom and Jules (or at least Clare Danes and Leo DeCarprio) can tell you that Romeo and Juliet is NOT a love story… it is the complete and direct opposite. Besides the works of Euripides, I’m pretty sure if you Google “greatest tragedies of all time” Romeo and Juliet is at the top of the list. I mean the play LITERALLY ends with a declaration of how tragic the story was – “For never was there a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo”. Clearly Taylor was too busy writing songs about her crush Drew in grade eleven English to grasp the fundamental theme of Shakespeare’s work. The Teardrops on Taylor’s guitar should have been for Romeo and Juliet.
A lot of similarities exist between Romeo + Juliet and Tay-Tay + her laundry list of suitors. Like most of the men in Taylor’s songs, Romeo is interested in another woman the day he meets his soul-mate Jules, and as a Capulet, Juliet knew Romeo the Montague was trouble before he walked in. In their respective narratives, Juliet/Taylor ends up luring the dreamy Romeo/Joe Jonas/John Mayer/Taylor Lautner/Cory Monteith/Jake Gyllenhaal/Conor Kennedy/Harry Styles into her web of love. Most importantly, like Juliet who would literally rather die than be without her beloved Romeo, Taylor is willing to behave rashly in order to secure her man. Most recently bat shit crazy Taylor looked to acquire a house in immediate proximity to her beloved Harry after only knowing each other for a few short days. It reasons to follow that Taylor’s idea of the ultimate love story is a boy and a girl taking their own lives in a final declaration of their undying (pun) love – can’t you see, you belong with me?!
The 70th Golden Globes which took place on January 13th is final public declaration of how sucky Taylor Trash is. Not only losing Best Original Song to Adele, Taylor was publically shamed for her habit of running through men by the actually cool and hilarious Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Juliet at least had the class and common sense not to crash a Kennedy Montague wedding than cheat on Romeo with his cousin Benvolio.
By Lauren H
Re-published with permission from The Campus, Sherbrooke, QC