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The truth about dick pics

Here it is gurrl

Here it is gurrl

Gentlemen of the world, I am here to tell you that there is a time and a place for a phallic photography. Hint: it’s not when you first start dating a woman. You should really just wait until she asks for one. I thought you all knew that. I was almost sure of it, but you just keep proving me wrong. I’m guessing there’s a small group of ne’er-do-wells that’s ruining it for the rest of the pack and so I apologize that I’m addressing all of you, but I do feel that it’s necessary to get a few things straight…



Women don’t love penises

Well, we do, but it’s more of a functionality thing. We love what they can do, how they feel, and, yes, sometimes even what we can do to them. Their general appearance however, not so much. Granted, there are some beautiful cocks out there, but even the most handsome trouser snakes aren’t what I would call desktop background material. So getting a sneak peek of the peen doesn’t exactly put me in the mood, specifically when it was unsolicited. All it really does is put a lot of questions in my head. What were you doing when you decided to take this photo? How many did you take before you decided this was “The One”? Did you use a filter? Is that a sepia-toned dick? What made you decide sepia worked best? See? Not exactly the Oo’s and Ah’s you were hoping for.

C'mon man, you knew how this was going to end

C’mon man, you knew how this was going to end

Women share everything

If you send a woman a picture of your junk you are basically sending it to her, her friends, her roommates, her roommates’ friends… maybe even her mom (I’m not that close with my mom, but I hear it’s possible!). So if you just have to send this new girl a little penis preview, remember that most people she introduces you to will be able to picture you naked quite accurately. Maybe that doesn’t bother you. Maybe you’re an exhibitionist and the thought of your very own schlong snapshot spreading like wildfire really gets you going. In which case, what is the secret to your confidence? Could you maybe bottle it and sell it to me?

Women like a little mystery

Maybe I’m being slightly prudish, but if you’re going to send me an R-rated text, I much prefer naughty words over naughty images. I just think some things are better left to the imagination or best enjoyed behind closed doors. And when I’m getting to know someone, I would rather save the nudity for a dramatic reveal, when both parties are present and when we can actually make use of that genitalia you are so proud of. Getting a glimpse of it beforehand doesn’t build anticipation, but rather takes some of the fun out of dating. But that’s just me.

The bottom line is while we do find joy in your personal joystick, women just don’t think as visually as men do. So next time you feel the need to answer the question “what’s up?” with “my dick”, go ahead. Just know that we don’t always need photographic proof.

By Megan H


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This entry was posted on March 7, 2013 by in Life? and tagged , , , , , .

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